Overheard on campus

Both of these conversations were overheard while standing in line at the Flaming Eggplant, the student-run eatery on campus. I am not making any of this up.

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Male student, wiping glasses: "I got this fucking menudo all over my glasses."
Female student: "Ha. Yeah."
Male student: "It's so greasy."

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Student 1: "Here you are again, playing your cigar-box ukulele, riding up on my territory."
Student 2, playing cigar-box ukulele: "That's right, but only on Tuesdays."