Welcome to toast & cereal

Jokes told to me by the new neighbor boy today

He is 5 years old. He was trying to make Viola laugh.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Hammer.
Hammer who? (At this point I was hoping for an MC Hammer reference, but the joke took an unexpected turn)
Hammer about to hit me over the head.

Viola actually was laughing, but I think it was a tragic laughter.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Car.
Car who?
Car about to run me over.

Is he just making these up as he goes along, and, if so, does he realize how loaded they are? The last one was best:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
House.
House who?
House about to let me jump off the roof.

I resisted telling him the knock knock joke I made up as a kid, which I thought was totally hilarious.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Kenny.
Kenny who?
Kenny Rogers.

It's not nearly as nuanced as his.

In Pursuit of a High Chair

Sometimes we have a hard time time finding products that both meet our aesthetic requirements and fall within our budgetary parameters. Like the time it took us five years to find a couch. For approximately the last fifteen months, we have been following this familiar pattern looking for a rocking chair and a high chair: research obsessively online, react violently to the offensive product designs, find a great high-priced alternative and argue repeatedly about whether we can afford it, decide vintage is the way to go, visit antique stores and garage sales flakily, check Craigslist once in a while, scour the internet some more, and so on.

However, our high chair needs have recently become dire, as little V is now eating pears, rice cereal, plums, peaches, and sweet potatoes. And her thighs are too big for the Bumbo seat.

How bad can a high chair be, you ask?

Approximately this bad:

Or, oh, this bad:

I'm not trying hard to find ugly high chairs, either -- these are recommended by Consumer Reports.

As is this one:

Just when I thought that every high chair in existence looked like a Barcalounger or an over-engineered athletic shoe, or cost $300 (we still would like to own you, Stokke Tripp Trapp), we finally went to Ikea and got this gorgeous white plastic model for $19.99:

I think she likes it

It's simple, it's easy to clean, and it holds the baby safely while she eats. The tray is a little hard to take on and off, but, again, it cost $19.99. Bring on the mashed peas!

While at Ikea, we also found a non-offensive rocking chair (not a glider!) for a reasonable price. And we dined on delicious meatballs and marzipan in the cafeteria. Thank you, Sweden, for allowing us to purchase your genius output.

Aw, isn't she cute chewing on that coaster?

Yes, honey, she sure is! I sure am glad we decided to go out to dinner tonight, to give ourselves a break from cooking. Especially since I had to eat breakfast in the car and shoved a turkey bagel sandwich in my mouth for lunch like I was in a hot-dog eating contest. And then I had to...how is she doing with that coaster?

Viola: [chew, chew, smile, chew]

Here, pookie, let me just turn it around to another corner so you don't chew a piece off...yeah, so I had to go to four meetings today, one of which went four times longer than it was supposed to go, and one of the others was on the topic of unions, which are foreign to me, and was led by a person who didn't want to answer any questions...

Viola: [chew, chew, kick, kick, kick]

Hi, boo boo! Is that a yummy coaster? Who's a big girl, sitting in a highchair?...And I had a hard time pumping, because I really wasn't relaxed, but I think I got 10 ounces or so, how many are left in the fri...

Viola: [wheeze, wheeze, gag, gag, gaaaaaaag]

Me: Oh. Oh! Oh!

Joe: grabbing Viola, trying to lift her out of highchair, and hitting her on back

Me: undoing latch on highchair

Joe: picking up Viola

Viola: [cough!]

A blob of chewed-up coaster hits the floor.

Phew.

And I thought we couldn't do it!

I thought our trip to Boston was going to be really tough. A six-hour flight, a four-day conference at which I was presenting, 2 different hotels, a 3-hour time difference, a child with trouble falling asleep even in her own time zone, really hot weather, and so on. But we did it, and it was fun! Check out the pictures to prove it.

One of the things that made it so great (besides seeing Adam and Stephanie) was that Adam borrowed a really fancy stroller for us. We were all Sally McPractical when we got our stroller - we chose a model that got the thumbs-up from Consumer Reports but didn't cost much. We've had to outfit it with aftermarket sun shade and cup holder, but other than that, we thought it was pretty nice. Until we met the Bugaboo Frog.

It was a little rolling home for Viola. And I'm sparing you the details of its virtues by deleting the paragraph I just wrote about the 4 positions of the sun shade. Suffice to say, we went everywhere with the stroller - on the subway, on a train, on a ferry, up the stairs to our B&B, and down many, many sidewalks.

We were also mildly successful in continuing our routines and keeping the baby mostly happy. Here's Joe feeding her some sweet potatoes in the hotel room, her third food (after pears and plums in the previous weeks).

Did I mention she's even cuter than ever? By the end of the trip she was starting to wave, clap, and even say "ma-ma" - who cares if she doesn't know what she's saying?

Boston

Jess and Viola as we were walking to Uncle Adam and Stephanie's place in a light rain. She was trying out a new forward facing position in the wrap. Viola seemed fine with it.

Here we are at Mangia Mangia for lunch. I had a fishwich and a bowl of Chowder, Adam had the trademarked Mangia burger, Jess and Stephanie had the Italian sub nicely stuffed with mortadella and cut in half because they're ladies.

Cheese Head

Is that cheese made from the happiest cows in the world?

12 things that happened on our trip to Illinois, only one-quarter of them involving poo

1. Viola's poo squirted out the side of her diaper just as we were about to leave for the airport. It got all over my jeans and on every piece of her outfit. Note that this has never happened with her regular cloth diapers, only with the disposable ones we were using for the trip.

2. We picked up the wrong stroller on the walkway when we landed in Chicago. At first we thought it was no big deal because it was exactly the same model as ours, but then we noticed it was rusty and missing a sun shade. Oh, and there was sticky stuff on the handles. Anyone need a free stroller?

3. We went out in the boat on the river. I don't think Viola liked her life jacket at all.

4. I started eating dairy again for the first time since she was born, and a few days later she started pooping green. The green poo lasted for a week. Here, Joe, Stephanie, and Adam are at the Dairy Haus in Rockton, minutes before I tasted a bite of Joe's black walnut ice cream. Tsk, tsk.

5. Viola saw her first cornfield.

6. We drove down to Normal, Illinois to visit our good friends Matt & Carmen and we met their daughter Josephina for the first time. A video of Viola and Josephina follows; it will definitely be boring for most of you if you are not the parent, grandparent, or aunt or uncle of one of the featured children.

7. Viola had her first go on a swing (an infant swing-set swing - how do you say that?) I thought I took a picture of it somewhere...

8. Michael Jackson died and lots of Illinoisan people complained that there was too much media coverage about it. I bet these same people didn't complain that there was too much media coverage when Elvis died.

9. My parents threw a party and showed their granddaughter off.

10. Viola sat in her first highchair at a restaurant and chewed on the table.

11. Viola cried and sobbed for about an hour every night when we tried to put her to bed.

12. On the flight home, she pooped during descent and it got all over her, my shirt, and my jeans. Indeed, it was green, and I couldn't get up to change it until we landed.

I've done it!

The cutest Viola picture to date, in my humble opinion. She looks a little cross-eyed but the pediatrician asured us she's not.

May the Farce be with you

Since I've been hanging out at home on Thursday and Fridays with Viola, I've had a little time to think about my home here on hilltop. That and Zillow keeps me apprised of how our home is faring in today's real estate market. Our house is up 31.6% from when we bought it 5 years ago but down 12.4% this year. Not bad, but then I saw this sign while walking Viola around the neighborhood. Would someone actually buy a house from this company?

6-month retrospective

Not to make too much of this, but the half year feels like quite a milestone. Someday I will probably look back and think I made too much of it. But, if you'll indulge me now, here is a photographic retrospective of how much Viola has grown and changed in these months...

3 days old

1 month old, still looking very newborn-ish

2 months old, with infant bags under her eyes

3 months old - her face is starting to square up

4 months old - her cheeks keep growing!

5 months old

6 months old at grandma & grandpa Balsam's house